what to do with my life...

That seems to be the question I ask myself everyday. As I am sitting here, studying children and how they grow, I wonder what am I going to do with this major? Yes, I love it! I enjoy it and I love learning about children and how they grow and learn. BUT, what am I going to do with it? All I really want to do is be a mom; I believe that is my calling. however, I do want a college degree and possibly a Master's degree. But how long will this take? Where will I get it? How much will it be? Will I be married at this point? How long do I want to work for? When will I build my family? I ask these questions on a daily basis. It takes concentrated will power to stop my brain from worrying about the future. and I really don't care about money, but I will need to eat and sleep! I know the Lord will provide me with the necessities I need if I just trust. Once again, here lies my problem: trust. Why is this so hard for me to do? I feel as though I am not creative enough, not sensitive enough, not fun enough to do whatever it is I want to do in life. Sorry that was confusing... I feel as though someone else will always be better than me, at whatever it may be! If it is listening, someone will be better. If it is making crafts, someone will be better than me. If it is school, I KNOW someone will be better than me. I get this notion in my head that I will not succeed and it scares me to death. I worry and stress about things that are going to happen 2 years from now. Why can I not focus on the now? If I lose sight on the now, I will be constantly living for the next day and my life will just disappear, right before my eyes. I cannot keep focusing on what I want to do in 3 years. I need to focus on passing my classes for this year. I know the Lord will provide me with what I need. Why do I constantly doubt this? He says in Psalm 37:4-7a,

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and He will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him."

Trust. It's so simple, but so hard.