realization.

i've spent most of the day organizing my room, cleaning out old stuff that i've had since 8th grade. it is pretty hard to say goodbye to some stuff. i was reading through my old journals... wow. the Lord sure has brought me out of the rubble. i was truly embarrassed to read some of the things i wrote. high school was a very hard time for me; i was consumed with friends, boys, appearance, popularity, etc. i never focused on my relationship with the Lord. while i thought i did and i thought i was pursuing Him, i was still so selfish. i am still selfish, i will always be. but now, i just hope that each day i become a little less selfish.

i realized today that the Lord has shown me SO much wisdom since high school. one way is through my college friends. i am beyond blessed to have them in my life. i've never experienced this kind of love that can come from friends. for the most part, it's a selfless, giving, comforting love. they look out for me. many of you might have always had these kinds of friendships, but its new for me. i am constantly overwhelmed with how loved i am!

while high school was fun for the most part, i would not go back. i was insecure in who i was and was always wondering what people thought about me. while this is still a battle for me, i dont let it consume me. i cant let what others think of me affect me; i am who i am and people will be who they are. period. i wish i hadn't waited until i was 20 to realize this, but what can ya do :)

the Lord is good. the Lord is just. when i thought the Lord had forgotten about me, along with the rest of the world, He was there just telling me to wait. and i am so glad i did because the prize i received was well worth the wait.